sweetie pie exxon

rarely do i post political/economic news, but this is completely unbelievable. the oil prices were/are so high, why again?

http://money.cnn.com/2006/01/30/news/companies/exxon_earns/index.htm?cnn=yes

why does this surprise me? oh so young, so naive.

why. why.

i have been sleeping for the past two days straight. i never knew one could stuff that much sleep inside their body.

not doing shit this weekend other than work. i have 4 grants due on wednesday. ahaha... thankfully their going to be absolute crap.

maybe i've been sleeping too much, but i have also been feeling like crap the past two days. i've been stuffing my face with soup, veggies, orange juice, tea and yogurt but to no avail. i want it to go away.

seriously nothing else is going on other than my continued groggy state. i am boring, and i like it.

another quarter, please.

dearestees:

i am working and it's boring but i've been successful in work-related endeavors thus far which makes it easier to continue.

not sure if i've posted this yet, but about 80% of the grants i've written so far have come through. i'm pretty excited about this percentage, but in no way have i accumulated enough funds to staff and run the ycup (youth credit union program - where i work) efficiently - so the grant-writing continues. but it's better now. still boring as sin, but i feel like the program is really helping the kids out - so that makes it worth while.

and that program inadvertantly brought me to an insane, fantastic, outta-a-lovely-dream city, so i am obligated to compensate.

life with e.ray at my heels has been great, though it's odd to not have as much jen-time as i'm used to. his living in my apartment for the past week has felt a bit like living in lechner (college dorm): i come home, throw my shit onto the couch, we share stories of the madness of the day and then trade music and homestar runner finds like we are 18. (and no, my brother and sister we are not dating, nor shall we. thankyouverymuch).

he has also commented on the hilariousness of my mad love affair with this city. i am seriously forming a romantic relationship with this place. boys may break my hearts, i may break theirs - but this city and i will never fail each other. :)

the past week has been stupid busy - i've gone out nearly every night, and haven't drank a lot, etc - but the constant outtings are freaking wearing me out. i am not young as i used to be:

1) went to muir woods and highway one amazing cliff+wave madness yesterday with e.ray. amaaaazing.
2) mare and her friends took me out last night, complete with the happy birthday song sung.
3) tonight a show with trumpets and saxophones and stacey and rudy.
4) saturday, an art dance 'underground' warehouse shinny-dig in oakland.

enough.

i turned 25 today, and have received a stream of phone calls from family/friends - which makes me want to take the day off and talk to them all-the-day-long. but alas, i must write grant proposals. yeeeeees.

yay yay me, but i feel the biggest props go to my mom and dad, who 25 years ago had a baby for the very first time. sheesh. can't even imagine.

loooooong. miss you kids a lot. take care of hearts minds and bodies, please. loves.

stop spreading rumors otherwise

additional proof that diane did in fact visit me in san francisco, california:



most aloof dog in all of the land


my cozy, cozy living room


the sweatshirt that makes me look skinny


spilling jack and coke for amanda


additionally:
1. my amazon account was hacked by some noteworthy impersonators of the austere corporation. if you have an account, change your password if you can...

2. e.ray is here and it is nice to have him around. he still smiles a lot, uses a lot of metaphors and is a bit crazy. but that's fine.

hope all is well - jen.

"simply stuuuunning"

*dramatic pause*

diane came to the city of san francisco this weekend, and we were able to hang out for a beautiful two days. really, words do not express how much i miss her and i was super mopey after she left. geez. within 4 minutes following her departure, i began to occupy my time with important to inane busy-ness to prevent whining, continued moping and/or tears. for i am 14 years old.

my camera exploded a few weeks back, so photos soon from the camera de diane. i advise checking her blog periodically for potential photo posting.

what was accomplished:
chinatown madness
scary hairless dogs glaring at us through windows
green parks and delish sandwiches
colon explosion following delish indian food
basking on roofs
photos of quintessential all-american boys in front of american flags
kegs of lard and fish tank theatres

and dear lord. received three picture perfect pre-bday gifts from that jerk-face. the most noteworthy: *shakes head* a pink mirror that tells me that i am 'simply stunning' and my 'hair is beautiful' in a frightening woman voice. what a perfect thing to turn to when i am feeling horse-like or any variant of wierd-looking.

had the first housemate dinner last night. a feast of salmon, potatoes and spinach/strawberry salad. i love my housemates because they are dorky and intellectual and quiet. i have also decided that i am decent at group banter, but am crap when it comes to one-on-one. crrrap.

the mysterious eray is rumored to arrive today or tomorrow. i am one of many stops on his West Coast Here I Go trip of the millenium. not sure how long he's going to be here - he's playing the i'm-traveling-and-don't-care-about-tiiiiiiime card. there will be visitors galore for the next few weeks. kids i met on The Trip after that.

hope all is well, darlings.

as promised

below are photos that i promised to mario, but am posting for all being it was one of the first times in my life i actually wore a costume and i would like to document this event. also, i like the fact that i am tan in these photos, as oppposed to pasty.

i seriously look like a moron when i laugh. why do i look like a horse?

and a duck?

with heather, couchsurfer i stayed with when i arrived (was alone, etc)

trying to be tough, but failing miserably.

4 minutes well spent

good day.

i am at a cafe where the hipsters abound. i am avoiding work, as usual, while quietly muttering 'cuuuuuute' to myself as the employees walk by because apparently i am 14.

diane is going to be on this side of the continent today. diane is going to be on this side of the continent today?!!!

i can't stop listening to the kinks. i love them. love them.

i am very boring because i work a lot, and spend free time reading and learning about stars and going to moderately sweet shows. rudy is lovely, and may be taking me to see snow in the upcoming weeks. yeeeees.

hope school is going alright, that you have energy and gumption and are willing to argue with professors and ignorant students when necessary. you are smarter than them. don't forget it.

i miss you.

breakin the law breakin the law

man i hate that song.

so i'm breaking the americorps rules (and unintelligently posting this for the world to read) and applied for a part-time job teaching SAT prep-courses east of san francisco (The East Bay). it soooounds like i got the job (!!), but will find out for sure this week. but nonetheless, i'm pretty excited about it.

i took the kids i work with to see 'glory road' this afternoon. it's shameful to admit - but because of watching that movie, the nature of my job, that film, white privilege and the posters and talk in the streets - today is the first Martin Luther King Day that i have sat down and thought about what that means, what this day commemorates. i can't believe that all of that happened just a few years ago; my grandparents lived through it. not like that time is completely over though.


you should reread his speech, even a bit of it. see mario's blog for assistance.

diane i cannot even believe that you are coming in a few short days. i try not to think of it, because it then consumes all conversation with everyone i know.

daylight's creepin' in

this weekend was full of:
* seafoam
* non-automobile-related wheels of various sorts (4-wheeled rollershhkates inc.)
* running into three former kissy-interests (of various degrees) 3 places in a row in one night
* previous similar to an historial timeline, hologram-style, that one is unable to escape from
* enormous mist-covered waves
* kcrw
* real live american bison
* 1/2 of AHWOSG (good.)
* cake baking and pasta from scratch attempts

on sea foam:
if you have never played with sea foam, i recommend you add it to your list of things to do soon, very soon (i assume we all have one or two of these lists). and not small bits of sea foam, large amounts. mounds of it. it's really fun to kick, dive into, wallow in while pretending to take a bubble bath. and when the wind catches it and it rolls along the shore, it does just that. it ROLLS. like tumbleweed. but it changes forms - transforming from huge, amorphous mound into enormous jalepenos or 4-5 perfectly cylindrical balls.

the sunday trek:
a) took a surface train (my first time here)
b) to ocean beach (i live near a BEACH. why didnt anyone remind me)
c) walked up shore, up a few hills for breath-taking-vista-time,
d) pretended i was rich and wandered through expensive restaurants for the views they offer saying 'no soooorry' in haughty voice when someone asked if they could help me
e) walked through golden gate park, the whole way through
f) bought yoga cd at amoeba; 'flirted' with music-savvy amoeba employee
g) danced, sashaaayed, snapped as subtley as i am able the whole way home (g unrelated to f)
h) earned 6 smiles from approving city-mates (man i love this city)
when i am not at work, i am not at work.


miss you. i'm serious.

noooo way

ok this is big news. i have mondays OFF now. no longer do i have to work 6 days a week, and they're upping my salary by just a bit more. (let's not get crazy - it's still far below poverty line). no more 70-80 hour work weeks. my one-month-longer threat was effective, it seems. or something crazy happened behind the scenes, and they're buttering me up for the blow.

i can hardly believe i have two-day weekends now. i may take a bus to santa cruz or point reyes (fabled birding land of dreams) to celebrate.

also, while i was gone - we received a few small grants. at least i'm not totally worthless - though i never want to write another grant proposal as long as i live.

i've been listening to far too much phil collins. we all have our weaknesses. what. step off.

bye bye

the sunny mission

so apparently a bomb was disarmed yesterday at a starbuck's a 30 minute walk from my house. so that's neat. thankfully i live in a town marked by imminent explosions and natural catastrophe. ha.

diane is a go and i couldn't be more thrilled. i've never hoped for a weekend of sunny weather more in my life. diane i hope my excitement doesnt freak you out when we meet again. less than two weeks. praise be.

i've been feeling a bit worthless lately. i turn 25 in a few weeks, and i dont feel 'old' or anything - but for the love i need to do something with my life. make some decisions. 'buckle down.' ive been galavanting about for a while, and i would like that galavanting to continue along with a bit of financial/ career/ schooling security. why do i feel so worthless. ugh.

not that everything is so 'bad' etc. a lots working well for me - i could use a bit of focus though. what is wrong with me. why didnt anyone ask me what i wanted to be when i grow up so i could have began thinking about it at the age of 2 rather than 22.

mom, beth and paul visited my family in seattle last weekend and i am JEALOUS. this is my godson and i love him. i will get out there soon, so help me fillintheblank.

a 48 year-old trapped in a 19 year-old's body

man, being bold and strong and etc is tiring. geez.

for the first part of my life, all of my friends were boys. i couldn't befriend a girl to save my life. then, not sure what happened, but everything reversed. i am now surrounded by so many strong women who i learn from, laugh my ass off and who are inspirations to my lame ass. and super good friends that are boys? slim, present but very slim. the change was gradual, but it's definitely made the complete 180. why can't boys and girls just hang out? thank you, mr. evolution and ms. endocrinology.

i have assets now. oh do i have assets, and they're in the form of a next-to-spanking-new couch i found on craigslist. and it fits in my room! up to now, i had nothing to sit on so i would sit on my mattress on the floor and inevitably pass out/lounge for far too long.

so yesterday morning, stacey and i lugged that thing 3 blocks to my apartment. she was still *sleepy* from the night before, and i was super tired so we both laughed our butts off as we carried that thing around, bumping into sandwich signs and lightposts along the way. but we were successful, and praise be i have a couch in my room and it's comfy. COMFY. look for yourself:
following the muscle-fatiguing couch-haul, i walked from the bay bridge to the golden gate bridge, and then back to the apartment. it was no ese-sanmarcos adventure, but my legs are still aching like crazy and bays are pretty. and i would like to thank my parents for the flashy new sneakers that allowed to make my trek a bit easier.
things are tense around work - not in the relationships between the folks here, but because my 'bosses' are FINALLY beginning to recognize how dire of a situation we're in. i've told them that i'm waiting one month for dramatic change. if not, i have to go elsewhere. more from me later.

dear longest post in america: why. why.

diane may visit me in a few weeks and the thought of this happening is like a pleasant pleasant dream. oh god i hope it works out for the love i hope it works out. but i shall not get too excited because it is not 100% and i do not want to get all mopey and shee-it.

take care out there. miss yous. and looking forward to you postish updates.

texas

can you believe it? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!!

astrud gilberto - the girl from ipanema

as i walked the three blocks from the BART (train) stop to my apartment with my 18,000 bags attached to my body, i shook my fist in the air with excitement and happiness as i passed by the restaurants leading up to my apartment. i am back and i missed this city and i feel like i am dating it. this city has treated me far worse, and far better, than any boy out there... and for the first time in my life, the drama is worth it.

i am apparently one of the strongest and healthiest people i've ever met. geez. yesterday was racked with endings and beginnings of so many types, and not once did i feel overwhelmed, confused or freak out.

(diane i love you).

i went out with stacey and her friends from joi-zee last night. so great. kinda nice to land and have a solid friend call me up within an hour of my arrival. that hadn't happened around here yet. hooray for having one freaking friend!

work update: still up in the air, but i think from the conversations ive had throughout the morning that they're anticipating my busting a move outta here pretty soon. and it definitely may happen. why am i working in a non-profit when i want nothing to do with them in the future, and i want to get to teaching and the 18 other jobs i'll inevitably have as soon as i can?

feeling really free and uplifted today. i have a 'bounce in my step' etc. people have commented on how 'fresh' i seem. (not sure what that means). i tell them it's because texas is pretty and full of lovely people. i sure hope this energy continues during the next few weeks - they're definitely going to be a bit bumpy, but i'm pretty sure it'll all turn out alright.

i already miss you. it was so good to see those of you who i did, for realz. please take care of yourselves out there.

message from the future: happy california new year

ok this one's long. yikes.

the past few days have been flooded with meeting up with kids i havent seen in what feels like years, and it has been lovely.

first off, my cousins are freaking awesome and i am so glad i've been able to hang out with them. seriously, why are they so awesome? we went to a place called 'cowboys' instead of 'midnight rodeo.' hhah... actually not tooooo bad - i thoroughly enjoyed time spent gawking at people spinning around and throwing each other into the air to the rhythm of the steel guitar. photos below:

cowboys rocking out.

she's about to get flipped.

with my cousin lisa and her friend margot. i love lisa and sarah i love lisa and sarah.

my camera exploded the next day, so i haven't been able to visually document any events since... blast. blast.

hung out with marcos, mike, sara and danny (give or take) for a bit. really good to sit around with those kids. it's nice to see that we're all taller, but still easy-going and content and like smiling a lot. danny - you are remarkably trusting with that sweet-ass camera of yours. looking forward to the photos, and i grow a bit queasy when i think of that monstronsity of a dessert we stuffed into our faces.

new year's eve was freaking hilarious. sara and i moaned and wallowed like babies in our indifference about going to austin - but we went regardless, and it turned out to be super fun. austin's celebration was pitiful: a shoddy, glitter-eee pinata unsteadily raised above an ugly building as it hit midnight. soon thereafter, sara and i chanced upon an untapped bar, with few people and cheap beer. i swear, everytime i hang out with that woman i like her more and more. we agreed that it was fairly ridiculous that we spent our new years with someone who also lives in california, but she is freaking awesome so i was juuuust fine hanging out with her all night.

final notes:
1. i am so incredibly glad that the phone calls i received at the stroke of 12 oh'so were from three fantastic women. no freaking boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, calling me up to chat or some crap. i feel really lucky.
2. this was the first new years i thought of the previous year as well, instead of solely the upcoming. i was super blessed in 2005 - and feel super fortunate. as that stupid pinata raised into the sky, i couldn't help but smile and think about how much i was able to accomplish/happened to me recently. so lucky. so hard. so glad.
3. i am nervous about returning to california
4. i miss di
5. amanda i love you

i hope all is well on your end. i hope every day is better than the previous -