ok! i recognize it! hands in the air!

hey everyone -

i have been doing all of you (especially my grandfather... hi grandpa!!) a grave injustice. i have not followed through with that vow of mine to post something (let alone a short story) every week. for a while, "next to nothing" was going on over here and suddenly, within the previous 7 days, so many things have been going on.

oh so very brief updates:

1) i still dont have a job but a truly avid search begins

2) ruthie and i left town last weekend for west texas. we bought the tickets via super cheap travelocity package 4 days before we left. el paso to marfa and back. i have photos and they're incredible. we rented a pt convertible cruiser, top-down whenever thunderstorms refused to linger. i will never NOT rent a convertible when renting a car is an option. there's serioulsy nothing like it. nothing compares.... (except to you? ok terrible joke). the trip was straight out of thelma and louise, a movie that - yes - i have not seen - but i heard it applies. the trip was in my top three ever as in EVER, and lord almighty i have travelled quite a bit. photos i hope very soon.

3) rudy is pretty sick right now. he went to the hospital via the ER on monday night and they dont know how much longer he's going to be there. i spent the day there today; will be there tomorrow as well. he's in suuuch good spirits... actually that's total crap... he's still fully rudy... he's simply the bravest and most well-put-together person i know. seriously. the physicians still don't know what's wrong with him (the doctors have called him the mystery patient which is a tiny bit scary but also freaking hilarious and spot on), but it doesn't seem to be life-threatening. it's definitely serious, but they want to keep him there as long as it takes to figure out what in sam-hell is going on with him. i will know more soon and keep you updated.

he's seriously just amazing. laughing his ass off, asking questions, he thinks the whole thing is scary but super entertaining. he's just great. a ton of people are visiting... he has gifts galore and as much company as is allowed... christina (his girlfriend), all of his housemates, his family from san jose... have all come by. i just really love him a lot and he loves all of you kids too it's true. (including you diane... ahahha... he was so happy to hear what you asked me to tell him... he said to tell you that he loves you because you love me and you love him because i love him. ha. and seriously he means it.)

(amanda and shelley - i wanted to call you kids but 1) i lost my cell phone during my trip and didnt put all of the pieces together... i.e. that he really was super super sick... until i got back at 2am last night and 2) rudy asked me to keep it quiet until we knew as much as we could).... AND PRAISE THE LORD YOU ARE COMING HERE. i seriously can't wait to hang out with you. and you should rent a convertible. um, for realz.

anyway. things are sort of big here right now. i miss all of you. more very soon.

jen

good afternoon.

i am at work right now. it is officially my last day here. it feels like i quit 4 months ago: i'm not sure why i've come back here one day / week for the previous month, thus prolonging the seemingly interminable exit from this ridiculous job. there is the supplemental income, but man oh man am i stoked to begin to move on with my life.

i started to doing job searches this weekend and it's lookin' dim, but that may also be related to the fact that i *still* have no idea what sort of job would be fulfilling to me and what it would take to get there. i would LOVE to go back to school, like, now - i miss it dearly. i just don't know what in. i feel *again* that i should just dive into something and hope for the best, but i've done that before (i.e. geography at ut) and that didn't work out too well. so i'm a bit nervous to try it again.

a lot of things are finally coming to closing right now. a relationship that wasn't that great for me / him at all finally gave way, today is my last day at my job (yes) and i have cut ties with the precious amnesia bar /folks that i hit up 2-3 times a week for the past year. it feels good. i sort of feel renewed somehow.

the past few weeks has been a time to try to repair myself somehow. i've felt pretty lost and a bit out of control the previous year - it's been an interesting process to try to pull myself out of it... i've realized a lot the past few weeks:

1) running / doing yoga first thing in the morning everyday allows me to feel MUCH more energized and clear-headed

2) i tear myself down a lot (e.g. "oh man i'm such an idiot") - i'm trying to recognize it more now and tell myself otherwise. words are a powerful thing, even if you don't think you mean them all of the time.

3) i'm trying to get the things that i REALLY want to avoid over and done with first thing in the morning

4) facing problems generally. i realize that i have been running from a ton since i moved out here. i've been avoiding problems and issues, hoping that they would just go away.

5) how i think this "inability" to face problems is connected to my constant desire to travel: when i travel, i go into it recognizing that i'll probably face a ridiculous number of problems during my journey. i expect them, treat them rationally and in a clear-headed manner and subsquently feel challenged. for some reason, it's like i expect LIFE to NOT have problems for whatever reason. i feel like it should be easy, so when a problem arises i do not handle it as a would on a trip (when i expect them to happen). i put them off, avoid, get scared and it's a bit illogical really. i'm trying to recognize that life too is hard, problems will hit me everyday and to treat them as the fun projects i try to solve while i'm on the road.

6) problems are gifts that i can learn and develop from. if i avoid them or try to treat them hastily, i am not learning. not developing. not growing.

oh my gaaaawww what a ridiculous entry. but i recognize very few of you still read this thing. and i really love you a lot so it's fine.

i miss all of you! will keep you posted or tell some jokes or a story or something next time. yes?

chance and circumstance

hello darlings,

my friend leonard in l.a. (seen in photos in entry far, far below) is opening for margaret cho this sunday!!!! apparently his hilarity is finally catching on. check out the link below to see his latest gig.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX8FLIPpfLw

also, please see the movie called "once" starring glen hansard (or at least see the trailer). lord above, glen hansard is the guy i met in new orleans four years ago and there is dialogue in this movie that is straight from the day we hung out together. and it sort of wierds me out. or makes me realize that i ALSO need to be making movies or stories or SOMETHING based on my life experiences.

that is all.

jen