clouds of butterflies ev-er-y-where

hello everyone. i just got back from texas. other than missing my 6am flight back to california, events back east couldn't have gone better. i miss all of you so much, and it was fantastic to see the few of you out there again. tiny trips like this result in the unique opportunity to stuff a ton of fantastic memories into my brain over a short amount of time - to have fantastic conversations - to "catch up" as never before. man, i miss my family already. geeeez. and diane (um, THANK YOU). and amanda it was so super good to freaking talk to your face again. and i got to see maaar-tha (what a fantastic new addition to the south-central texas experience). so much happened, but rather than tell stories - i will post photos of texas-week later on...

but for now, it's photo catch-up time:

* * *

apparently ty and his co-workers are rock stars, because when they go out they always hang out with people from l.a. and take lots of photos:

say what.


ty's thinking about IHOP)


those are my glasses and they were the life of the party.


i don't know any of these people.

* * *

world cup extravaganziiia in north beach (neigbhorhod of americanos italianos):
tigi, stace and ryan. tigi is a sound engineer from the u.k. and awesome. ryan is stacey's One True Love. stacey looks really happy in this photo which makes me smile a lot.


ryan. 12 noon.


the least excited italian kid in north beach.


* * *

the following are from my friend cher's 21st bday party. yes, she is a model. yes, she is a size negative 14. yes, she is the only person i have met in sf under the age of 23.5:

everyone was dressed craaazy. it was awwwesome. (i did too but am too scared to post 'em).


cher and omar. they have been luuuving each other for 3 years and its CYYYUTE.

* * *

My Last Days at the Credit Union:

with the kids.


leland's throwin' down and jen's about to bust up laughing


with the adult and youth staff

one decision can affect everything.

hello boys and girls.

tomorrow is my VERY LAST DAY at the credit union/americorps job. i cant. even. believeit. it's soooo wiiiierd that i don't have to get up tomorrow, trek to a cafe or an odd job beforehand, take a deep exhale and march into that place. i cant believe i've been here for an entire year. and, strangely enough, incredibly proud that i actually finished my "service" to my "country." i'm glad i didn't quit. i'm glad i kept chugging through.

i won't miss the work (at all), but i will miss the people... what usually happens i suppose. i will miss celina, my only co-worker, the most. the absolute mostest. she's been so good to me, put up with a lot of my groaning/ complain-fests/ eye-rolling/ shock/ and stupid stupid jokes. i hope she's ok after i go - i know she will be - but i don't know if i could've handled that place alone. we often joke that since the "fund development" aspect of my job didnt really come together and there's talk of the non-profit ceasing to exist in a few months, i was really assigned to the site to keep her company and become a friend of hers. i consider this the greatest gift, without a doubt.

i will also the kids a whole lot too. most kids rolled in and outta there, but a few stayed through the whole time. one of the year-round-ers, leland, i absolutely adore. he wrote on a card given to me today that "have always been the coolest white girl he ever knew." awesome.

so tomorrow. and that's it. no more me telling myself "ok jen you can make it. only n months to go." i am really proud of myself.

* * *

i won't have a computer anymore either - which mean blogging will be more infrequent. i'm also going to be much more boring because i will be living a life of increased stability. which is going to be wiiiiiierd. but i'm still going to blog, and i hope you still read. :)

* * *

oh! and i just read my very first book of poetry (unless the prophet is considered this as well). and it was good. four quartets by t.s. eliot. i highly, highly recommend it. it started a bit transcendental-y for me, but it flowed shortly thereafter and i got caught up in it. i especially liked the last quartet, called "little gidding."

and now i'm starting "black like me" by j.h. griffin, which elaborates on the experiences of a white man undergoing medical treatment/makeup to look like a black man. he then travels around the "Deep South" for just over a month in 1959 trying to get a more than manual labor job, to see what it's like, basically. it's supposed to be a "life-altering" book - and i've been wanting to read it since jr year in college, so i'm a little stoked for it (and really really dorky).

* * *

I GET TO GO TO TEXAS NEXT WEEK AND I'M FREAKING EXCITED.

i love you kids a lot. feeling real sentimental what with the year anniversary and all. my life's a changin' - has changed so much this past year with all the medical stuff and jobs and apartments and people and strange parties and pretty views from roof.

i do embolden words a lot, don't i? hmmm. the things we never knew about ourselves that other people notice.

thank you. AND I LOVE YOU.

standin' in the shadows

this is me trying desperately to win the affection of my housemate, dave. i will prevail. don't you worry.

my housemates are so super top-notch. we've all been in and out of the apartment due to travels (eric just got back from costa rica, nate is in fargo right now...) - and subsequently i've been granted one-on-one time with each of them, and man i am so lucky to live with these kids. dave (see above) has taken the longest to open up, and now that he has - he has proven to be one of the funniest freaking creatures i have met. soooo freeeaaaking fuuuuuunny. and bitter! yes! how i love his cynicism.

* * *

the previous few days have been mostly geared towards trying to wrap my brain around the fact that i have a super sweet job now. it seriously hasn't hit me yet. friday i went to one of our work sites far away from sf, met some of our clients and it was un-freaking-believable. smith2 does work in some of the prettiest places i've ever seen. and i was able to bond with the rest of the staff (i finally have more than one co-worker!) - who all seem super cool and laid back.

* * *

and yes indeed i am coming to texas next week, mon-sat. montreal was too pricey, too far away and i wasnt going to be there long enough to have any crazy influences on the site, etc. AND I JUST MISS YOU GUYS TOO MUCH. texas will be more restful, and i CANNOT WAIT to sit in my living room with my stupid dogs and my lovely seester, "kid" brother, pappy and momacita. and too see all of you. AND TO SEE ALL OF YOU.

* * *

and diane i cant stop listening to the pre-euro cd and its awesome. thank you.

love love love,

jen

1) i work for "the smiths" and 2) lets keep things in mind

hello daaaaarrrrlings!!!!

ok i need to calm down. but it is so hard to summarize right now. feel free to take 4 (four) 30-minute blog-reading sessions for this one.

ok so 1) reena visited, 2) couchsurfing material published and theeeeeen:

* * * * * * * *

i have been over-the-top ridiculously happy for the majority of the previous 24 hours. why. "Why, Jennie/Jen?," you ask. well, as the title says, i now work for The Smiths.

i.e. I GOT A REAL LIFE 401K WELL PAID SALARY WITH BENEFITS JOB.

guys, i can'teventbelieveit. i had my first interview in the city for a real-live job last night, AND. I. GOT IT.

i work for bill and ned smith (no relation to 'bill and ted,' the band or each other). they run a super sweet landscape architecture and urban design company called smith & smith, a short walk from the golden gate bridge. the company is amazing: bill and ned are harvard grads, and the firm is one of the top-rated environmental design firms in the world. WORLD, kids.

and hand it to stacey, she helped me to land the peer court job and now this one. she's one of the outSTANDing architects at the firm, and recommended me. which led to a resume perusal and interview request within 24 hours. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THAT SHE HAS DONE. oh my goodness.

here is their website: www.smith2.com - (its awesome. watch out).

the interview began with bill and i going nearly each line item of my resume. and oh my goodness, this is the first job i've got that's integrated every single one of the crazy things i've done in the previous three years. birdwatching. examining outdoor spaces at assisted living facilities in the bcs metroplex. urban expansion issues in peru. couchsurfing (they read my stuff that was thankfully published a mere 5 days ago). we chatted for over an hour. we discussed business philosophies, the non-profit sector and how quitting something huge (like grad school) can be one of the most difficult, yet BEST things one can do for oneself.

and well i'll be, it actually worked out. it IS working out.

icantevenbelieveit.

no longer do i have to scrounge for money. no more walking through danger zone. no more floating. no more contract labor. no more hoping that the change under my couch would lead to the 3 more quarters i NEED for laundry. i can buy shoes without holes. i can SAVE. i have a retirement plan. i am not below low-income anymore.

i'll be doing all the admin stuff, helping them form their strategic planning for the next 10 years and working with their marketing person on everything that is marketing (of which i know nothing). apparently, they thought they were just going to hire a secretary (which would have been fiiiinne by me), but apparently i was "overqualified" - so they tweaked it a bit to include the aforementioned responsibilities (with added employment benefits - say wwhhhhaaaaa)

i have been interested in environmental design/landscape architecture since freshman year in college, but knew it was a big, long-term decision (like medicine) so held off; i wasnt sure if it was for me. but now im surrounded (literally and figuratively) by 13 of the top kids in the field. i will what the job of a landscape architect entails. will learn how the business works. will learn a ridiculous number of facets within the discipline. i will learn if this is something i want to go back to school for.

i start august 2, meaning they also allowed me time to tie all loose ends at the non-profits and go to montreal... *shakes head with disbelief*

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

* * * * * * * *

but this post includes two sections: the other part is a much crappier part, to which many thoughts have passed today. i'm sure everyone has heard about the 7 bombings in the train system of mumbai. well, who knows if you kids pay attention to these long-ass blog entries, but thats where reena has been living the previous 6 months (the woman who visited last week). i spoke with her on the phone today - and THANK GOD SHE IS IN HAWAII. the trains that were bombed were on the same line that she takes every day, and she usually travels between 5:30-6:30pm everyday on them. (the bombings happened at around 7pm).

*stares at computer screen*

so many people died. its scary and incredibly sad and its killing me and I AM SO GLAD REENA WASNT AROUND. and thankfully, shes pretty sure that none of her friends there were injured.

below are photos of my time with reena when she was here. they will further illustrate how much i love her and how happy i am she was not there:

*****

reena is frequently praised for being a "light-packer," but this is the little twirp's trick: SHE WEARS THE CLOTHES OF THE PEOPLE SHES VISITING AND PACKS VERY LITTLE ELSE. she rummaged through my closet and picked "jen-clothes," traipsing around the city with my proclaiming, "Look! I look like Jen!!!" - and honestly, she looked horrendous the entire time - ha - and it has actually taken a toll on how i dress now. strangely enough, i now actually think about my attire. so this is truly a life-altering photo.


MEAT. PIE.


freedom and independence ROCK! (taken on the fourth of july). this is one of my favorite photos of all time. photo is complete with upstairs-flatmate-jara's cigarette and hand sign.


******

ok im really tired and so are you. so much to say though. and so very excited. and so glad i saw reena. AND SO HAPPY.

HAPPY.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. thank you wholeheartedly for supporting me and freaking just being there for me for so long. how am i so lucky.

jen

am i a "travel writer" now? and couchsurfing is BACK.

heeeello my darlings -

ok so i'm reeeeally excited.

i didn't post info about this last week because i was pretty upset about it - but things are better, so now i will.

last week, the couchsurfing website (the site i used to travel around last summer) died. 100% completely dead. people in montreal were calling me crying, casey (the guy who started it) didn't know what to do - it seemed that people had completely given up, because of the mass amount of data that was lost. 60,000 people logged onto that website every 2 days, and everything they had entered into the program was GONE. that night when i went to get sushi (a block from my house), i overheard (and introduced myself to) people on the streets on the phone about how couchsurfing died. word spread like wildfire. and people were freaking out.

but heather (the woman who i stayed with when i moved here) and casey called me the next day, and asked me to join them in rebuilding the website... so i agreed to write all of the information on safety and "how to couchsurf."

and i did. for three days, i woke up at 6 am to have online MSN conferences with people in Greece, Germany and Canada who i have never met - sending them documents, editing what they sent me, etc etc

and yeeeees! this morning, the couchsurfing website came back online!!! its back and i couldnt be more excited...

until i saw that everything that i wrote is up there, and in some cases, word for freaking word. WORD FOR FREAKING WORD, dudes. i cant even believe it.

check it out: http://couchsurfing.com/tips.html

i wrote (with editing of course) under "Tips":
1) "Safety for Surfers"
2) "The Solo Woman's Guide to CouchSurfing" (soooprise soooprise)
3) "General Tips"

i contributed to the rest of the links, but those three are all mine. and i'm telling you, each of those recommendations i learned last summer as i went along, or saved my life at least 16 times. seriously.

(and you can find my profile at the bottom of each entry, along with all the kids i met last summer and who stayed with me here in SF. and Will: Leonard's couchsurfing name is "Dreamaline," if you want to see his profile)

so um, my writing is somewhere for the public to see. its not the fictional stuff i work on sometimes, but it's a autobiographical (in a sense). and the rumors are true: it's really wierd to read your words in print, online, etc etc.

i always hoped way deep down that my trip last summer would lead to something i could actually put on a resume, and sho enough... who knew. man.

loooooong one. BUT IM SO EXCITED.

AND I MISS YOU.

i have been blessed with a fantastic group of friends

sure, most of them (you) are far, far away. but when i think of them (you) for 1.23+ seconds, we talk on the phone, i read a letter or they visit: i am overwhelmed all over again by how lovely each of them (you) are. how fortunate am i.

reena is staying with me right now. i wish each of you could meet her, and that she could meet you. for the previous 6 months, she has been doing phd research in mumbai. in the past two weeks, she has spent time in northern india near tibet (where the dalai lama is living in exile), london, new york, boston and now here. she freaking came all this way to see me, and leaves on wednesday for hawaii, followed by another 6 month stint in mumbai.

it has been SO GOOD to have her around. we've eaten a lot of meatloaf and laughed our asses off quite a bit. she seems a bit crazy after living in squalor for so long, and then travelling so much - but she is still the same old reena and freaking awesome.

so there i just rambled about my friend for two paragraphs.

* * *

feeling much better about the future work situation. everyday, i have been receiving 1-2 emails from friends here and far away about positions they think i'd be good for, recommendations for places they've worked and enjoyed (both "immediate" and "real"). why are my friends so amazing.

* * *

i can't believe i'm blogging about this mess, but praise be, i went on a quasi-date that i actually ENJOYED last week. i had forgotten that one could go on a date, actually have a good time, and be treated with a tremendous amount of respect. who'd a thought. not expecting much, but it was good to be reminded that there are actually cool, funny boys out there.

* * *

so feeling better. maybe it's reena. maybe it's the ridiculous amount of water i'm pumping into my system. maybe it's the recognition that the next 3 weeks are going to be over quickly, and i'll get things done like always - i just need to stop worrying so much. that's all. i've been through worse.

* * *

thank you for all of your kind words over the previous few entries, esp that doozy below. i don't feel so alone and so incapable of handling all of this stuff ahead of me when i remember that you kids are around, and doing super tough things too - and doing them WELL.

love you kiddies.

too many photos of myself

below are photos from the americorps job, when i am not scowling about:

scared of the camera.


i don't do "thug" very well.


at all.


celina = wonderful.


val thinks i'm funny! yeeeeees.


watch. tan.


ok that's enough.

* * *

things are truckin' along. honestly, i'm still a little freaked out and stressing quite a bit - but i also haven't been taking care of myself as i should this past week (minimal water, no walking, etc)... so i need to get back into it. surely it will make a difference.

love you kids a lot - jen.