your spit was like a macchiato for the arm

hey dyyyudes -

i've had a week and a half that's been all over the place:

• last week, i worked from nearly 7am - 10pm every day to find work. ridiculous. riding my bike in heels, constant online applications and in-house interviews. and it's paid off. see below...
• i got hired at momi toby's cafe - the owner went to ut and knows magnolia cafe, etc. pretty sure that's how i landed the job. the place is super laid back and i'm definitely making a bit more money than i anticipated
• SUPER COOL AND I AM SUPER EXCITED: yesterday i received a call from teatro zinzanni, a premiere cabaret / cirque de sole theatre company based in san francisco and seattle. they asked me to do all their transcribing in prep for their opening shows next weekend. so next week i will be surrounded by gymnasts, clowns and corsets - so very hoping this gig leads to something long-term - but either way, next week has the potential to be totally awesome.
  
• not-job-news: i INTENTIONALLY met with robby last night. emailed him last week and we ate dinner last night. he's still very much the same, but i think he may have been shocked by some of the things that i had to say - hahha - whoops. either way, it was really good to see him. i mean seriously we were friends for a super long time. hopefully, we'll be able to hang out a bit more. but meeting with him was huge for me: not due to nervousness or some old school romantic ache for him or some crap, but because i finally faced my fears, acted like an adult and recognized that that period of my life really IS over now
  

in not so totally awesome news, daddy was sent to the hospital last sunday for complications with his heart. he had a ton of fluid in his heart and lungs, so they gave him lasix (spelling?) and kept him in the hospital for a few days. he was released yesterday and is doing really well. he meets with his personal physicians this week. i will keep you updated...

i hope all is well on your end, everyone. i miss and love you a whole lot....

soon,

jen

so. "making it" in this town CAN be rough.

hello friends,

what an adventurous week this has been. i have applied for 18 jobs, been officially hired at 3, fired (sort of?!!!?) at one, postponed at another and start working at the third this sunday morning.

in sum, i strangely feel like i just moved to san francisco two weeks ago. seriously. in many ways i'm starting over again. after the previous two months of serious self-inquiry, i slowly began to feel differently about many aspects of my life, have slowly weened myself away from hanging out from certain people, from going to certain places. i have signed up for courses at city college (for free yes thank you) which has allowed me to have a bit more structure. and then, last friday, i lost a cafe job after two days of "training." that night i seriously considered moving back to texas for the first time since i moved here.

(and that reminds me: amanda and shelley: you are wonderful and i am so glad you visited. thank you for putting up with emotional-wreck-jen for a few hours. i feel really fortunate that the two of you came when you did, though you may think otherwise - ahah -)

i've been recognizing "adult things" that i've been sort-of-kind-of avoiding as long as i can remember. things like retirement, making rent in a stable sort of way, what city is the best for me, what i can realistically afford, careers, being passionate about a job but recognizing that nothing is utopian. seriously really seriously thinking about all of these things.

now for CLASSES: (i'm so ready to get going with them): i went to my intro to acting class on wednesday, getting up super early tomorrow for welding (YES WELDING AND ITS GOING TO BE AWESOME) and busting back into spanish. so. three classes. one job (though perhaps a second in a few months). my life is about to get much more structure-fied and i am so ready.

and specifically: mom, thank you. and diane, thank you. amanda and shelley, thank you.

i'll talk with you kids soon. i've been on job prowl (as you can read), and grow weary from riding my bike in heels across the city all day everyday. but no excuses. i will be around more now, thank you please.

love you guys!

to get you started

for starters, let me say - as cheese at it sounds - i feel like, and feel like i HAVE to, begin a new era in my life. i've realized over the course of the previous few months that i have grown far far far away from the jen that i respected so many years ago. perhaps the move to san francisco played a role, but this has just been one of many events in my life that have led to me being incredibly lazy in my decision-making. i'm now realizing that i am still dealing with problems that i stepped into the moment i arrived; i thought i had already endured the initial hardship of a move far away, in a place unlike any other i've lived - in so many ways. but alas, i am just NOW recognizing the bulk of what i am to face here. i am more aware of it now than i have been since my arrival though, which i think is the first step. i feel like i'm about to embark on a difficult few months, years, etc, but as is life. life is supposed to hard, difficult - and i've refused to admit that recently. i just wanted fun fun and more fun and that's about it - for quite some time now.

for now, here are a few photos from our - west texas is the cultural epicenter of the nation - trip:

i actually took this photo. you best beLIEVE i actually took this photo.

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one of my favoritos

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apparently, as a supermodel, i have a good feel for symmetry

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yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. i miss top-down style so very very much.

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i am wearing shorts. promise.

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we're so hardcore.

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with steven, the couchsurfer who let us stay at his parents house in el paso for a couple of nights. he is completely wonderful.

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i miss each of you a whole heck of a lot. i've been bad at calling, yes yes tis true. but i am making the rounds soon. and am looking forward to getting re-posted on what in the world is going on with you.

loooove you!!!

jen