oh the mockingbirds and mild humidity

hello, loves. i am back and it is nice, though predictably disorienting. blah blah.

* * *

my grandparents' 50th anniversary party was so beautiful. i nearly cried when they started dancing. my grandparents are amazing, and apparently know 22% of the population of san antonio - so the party was enormous and ridiculous. i was able to see many fam members i havent seen in a while, but not for long enough. i need to go home for a longer period of time next time round.

my g-parents on right, tiny version to the left

* * *

amanda's bday: man oh man was that mess fun. tons of photos are already posted, but i'll put a bit more up later when my computer stops being a jerk-face. i miss you kids a lot. and amanda you're freaking bee-yoo-tiful.

* * *

i have come to the stark realization that being in sf is, in fact, NOT just a trip - as i've been fooling myself into believing since coming out here. i mean i'm still treating this city like i'm a visitor - throwing myself into things i havent seen or explored - but it's definitely not like i can pick up and go to texas for weeks at a time anymore. jobs only give you something ridiculous like 10 days for vacation or something. it's a wierd feeling - i think i'll be a bit sadder now than i have been recently.

i. love. austin. would have no problem moving back there. i seriously love that place, though recognize that if/when i do move back - very little outside of geography, birds, parks and temperature will be the same. the majority of my friends there are about to graduate, etc and move onto different cities.

was able to see mario and van - 2 kids who will defintitely not be around when i visit again. mario: you are loooooovely, and i miss you tremendously already.

i miss diane arnaout. ugh.

beth. paul. dad. mom. gosh so good to see them. beth, thanks for the three-legged monkey adventures and deep discussions on psyche and how we're all tapped into another dimension - ha - paul, thanks for inciting me to read more than i already do. you are both geniuses.

must work. miss you kids a lot. wish i wouldve had 14+ more days.

no words

except for lovely, i love my family and a sick number of my memories are triggered by music and road intersections. more soon.

and i still have more diane, amanda and festivities, the darling mario and moooore family on the way.

but other than that, no words. lots of smiling.

:)

nothing says easter like a blizzard and an avalanche

it seemed to be a lovely idea. easter morning, i would hitch a ride with rudy, steph and robert to some lodge in the mountains of california. while they snowboarded, i would spend the blessed day hiking through snow-covered forests, past rivers and occasional lost skiiers. i hadn't played in snow in years, i wanted to get out of the city for a bit, wanted to see another part of california - i was super excited.

so we drive up there at 6 am on sunday morning, and enter the freaking worst blizzard that part of the world has seen in years. which is peeeerfect. seriously, all we could see were white gusts of wind and snows, and an occasional tree if we was lucky.

the kids tried to snowboard a bit, while i gawked out the window and called my family so i could make them worry about me. the kids came back in, astonished at the weather, they hadnt seen anything like this beofre, etc etc. so we decided to feast on mediocre, expensive lodge food while they warmed up.

they went out to try to board again. so as im sitting there contemplating life or soemthing, some dude announces that "blah blah Path" was closed and everyone starts freaking out. of course i have to ask 15 different frantic people to explain to me what the hell was going on... the roads were closing around us due to avalanches.

so i spent easter sunday trapped in some resort near tahoe with - mildly disgruntled, though always laid-back and delirious - rudy, steph and robert.

the roads opened up last night, and we got back super early this morning (as to yesterday afternoon)

i had fun though, through the crankiness, disgruntled attitudes, unwarranted fear for my life and cold extremeties. there are few other people out there i would be happy to be trapped with at some lodge in tahoe surrounded by snow and super rich people.

additionally:
1. i am pretty crappy at road trips. my body is enormous, and its impossible for me to stay comfortable for too long.
2. if i don't sleep (LYING DOWN) for longer than 2 hours each 24 hours, i get CRANKY.
3. and of course its beautiful outside today
4. i don't like working at the credit union
5. I WANT TO BE IN TEXAS NOW. the waiting around is killing me. though ill probably catch strep again, in the transition from 25 to 95 degree temperatures.

i miss you. and i am so happy i get to see so many of you soooon!!

my mom's an accountant. she gets to rest soon.

this is what happened to stacey's umbrella after she ran into a wall. she's really happy about it.

it has rained at some point during the day 59 of the previous 60 days. i hadn't noticed really, until yesterday - when the sun blazed through the clouds. it was hot. (well 68, maybe - ha). point: i had seriously forgotten what the sun was like. i immediately wanted to go frolick through a park.

pedestrians function differently when in the pouring rain. everything is much faster, and usually heads are tucked underneath umbrellas - so there is a lot of crashing and tripping and apologizing.

more photos (from stacey's 30th bday):

ryan to the left, jason to the right: both lovely. stacey's a mack, by the way. seriously boys luuuuuv her, and rightfully so.

with jen number one (who is freaking hilarious and cute as hell). kids have begun to call me 'juniper' to distinguish - this nickname's dear to my heart anyway, and fits somehow i think.

the owner of the pub who spent more time with his dog than he did getting our drinks. this was a good thing.

butever! (the best catchphrase to come from amanda since "resurrection = cheese")

so glad i met this woman so glad i met this woman.

* * *

i don't think i wrote this last time, but i actually started my new job on tuesday. it's fan-tas-tic. i work extremely well with my boss (tony) - it's so great to work with someone that just gets it, who i dont have to explain myself 23 times to, who understands big words, who i can be frank with. we're freaking productive. really its like a work marriage made in heaven - ha - but it may just be overly emotional elation following the previous 9 months of americorps frustration.

so i work at peer court in the mornings (a brisk 30 min walk there, and then again back...) to work at the credit union/cafes in the afternoon. i really love the change. and im enjoying the hell out of the new job.

i get to go to texas in a week. a WEEK. its going to come and go to quickly. i can feel it.

i miss you kids... happy easter weekend to all...

everything changes every weekend

let's use those bullet points! *high five bottom slap RUN*

BOOK PROGRESS:

finished 'milagro beanfield war.' won-der-ful. first story i've finished in which i wished it hadn't ended not due to remaining interest in 1 or 2 characters, but due to remaining interest in every one of them

began 'i saw the sky catch fire' by t. obinkaram echewa - a fictional tale discussing the lives of women living in nigeria. i have read 10 pages, and am already wrapped up in its world

i read hermann hesse's 'the journey to the east' this weekend. a delish sunday afternoon read.

* * *

Thank God I Be Po'
last friday, i took the CalTrain to palo alto with stacey....

1) taking non-BART trains kicks butt bc i inevitably feel like i am in glasgow or the czech republic

2) stace's cousin (sue) works with a non-profit that offers $500-1000 worth of FREEEEE 'nice, fancy' work clothes to below-low-income women seeking better employment (i.e. me). so sue got us appointments: we had a "dresser" and the choice of ridiculous amounts of siiiick clothes - gucci, ann taylor, saks 5th avenue. holy crap i walked outta there with:

FANCY CLOTHES PROGRESS:

3 suit jackets/pants

2 skirts

4 sweaters

undergarments (lessa keep it clean)

a pair of shoes

a poise (brooklynesque purse)

2 pieces of jewelry

HE-LO. i have never been more materialistic in all my days. i thought i was going to cry when i walked outta there - i've haven't seen this much nice stuff (that belongs to me?!!) in a long, long time, if ever. and folks, the nice clothes situation was quickly approaching dire: i dont know how i have accrued so many holes in so many of my belongings.

* * *

I Thought I Hated Networking, Part XVI
a few weeks ago, stacey and i were tag-teamed my two dudes when at a bar. Lord knows what happened with stace and Dude A, but Dude B was insistent on exchanging numbers with me (which i abhor in bar settings). he prevailed due to a high number of parallel work/traveling-related interests (seriously).

so we've talked on the phone for about 2 hours in the previous 3 weeks. didnt think much of it. we exchanged work stories, talked about couchsurfing, shows, how there are always people at shows who look like the members of journey. but he seemed particularly eager to hear more about how i balanced my projects, and who/what i was working for, for money and independently.

yesterday, the Dude B calls me and leaves a message: "Jen, I want to hire you. Call me back."

WHAT.

so Dude B (Tony) runs an a-maz-ing organization called sf peer court, down the line from the national office of juvenile justice and delinquency prevention. gist: instead of a kid being expelled from school or arrested, he/she is able to be 'tried' by a court of their peers from their school. a (real) judge and (youth) jury then decides what happens next. most exciting for me: sf peer cohort, tony and soon-to-be myself are in direct contact with the sf police, the majority of public middle schools in the city (inc. school boards, principals, etc) and about 50 additional CBOs (community based organizations) and/or non-profits throughout the city. i am interested in each of these sectors - this job has the potential of being totally insane/ amazing/ perfect/ ruthlessly insightful.

and i met him in a bar. A BAR.

they have large amounts of funding from the city (very very hard to get). they are thriving. they are highly revered throughout the youth-focused and non-profit sectors.

i checked out the site today, talked with him more and took the job on the spot. its only part time, for three months... but if they get funding and things work out, this could be the full-time job id been avoiding finding, my friends.

but i am really, really excited about this - and not sure how stuff like this keeps happening to me...

* * *

you get long posts because i love you. i am less and less capable of summarizing. and im really excited about this stuff, so summarizing can kiss it.

miss you a lot. be good to each other. i miss you. see most of you very very soon

jen

grown men and wee babies need their sleep

i'm fairly excited about this. slowly but surely, my Men Who Pass Out in Public photo collection is increasing in mass and subsequent disbelief. sure i only have three photos, but sleepy men are tricky in their choices of public slumber.


(vancouver, canada) * * *

(naples, italy) * * *

(muir woods, california) * * * i look pretty ridiculous in this one, but 3 at once?! too good to be true. though it seems fellow stage right was beginning to catch on.


i too passed out under the sun this afternoon, but in the privacy of my own roof. i fell asleep when sprawled out (rather uncomfortably) on a ledge separating my apt from the one next door. (no worries - only a 2 ft fall either way). it was a freaking wonderful nap. cant believe i freaking slept up there on a (dried) tar ledge - i woke up in a bit of a daze, but a really nice daze.

been moping and inactive lately. really, i am a lump. i was cuter than usual a few weeks ago - perhaps due to constant running around - but now i am lump-like, and it is not pretty. i keep saying that 'tomorrow i will start anew' etc. hmm. that definitely has not happened yet. it stopped raining today though - hopefully itll stay clear so i can freaking walk around a bit without having to head home soaked mid-shin-onward-downward.

love youz.

a decision, a story and paaahnorama

good day.

this one's long. here goes:

* * *

BORING NUMBER ONE

last night, i told my dad that i've decided to (try and) stay for another year. super hard - then, he started pushing for me to get another job as soon as possible, here or in texas. i was super defensive at first, thinking he was telling me to "come home now," but then recognized what he was trying to emphasize. what was the point in holding out until mid-july with my current job? what if i waited until june/july to find another job, and then couldn't find one? i'd be stuck, have to move back to san antonio with no money in my pocket and no health insurance. why not start to look now, and take a job if one shows its pretty face? i could still volunteer at my current place, and probably do more work in less time...

i'm bored as hell with my job, and completely frustrated with it. i took this position "to learn about the non-profit sector" and thought that meant i would gain skills - but what i've really gained is insights into the at times awful truth of non-profit politics. definitely good things to recognize, but i have gained nothing that i am able to market myself with. we havent heard from most of the grants yet - so who knows if im a "good" grantwriter. i'm just freaking bored, bored of writing, tired of feeling alone in this, tired of receiving minimal effort from my "bosses."

so im looking for another job now. skimming what's out there, and potentially putting up my resume by the end of next week. ive never done a full-on job search before, so figuring out how to go about it should be entertaining.

* * *

BORING NUMBER TWO

about 3 weeks ago, i was conned out of a good amount of cash from some dude on the streets. first time ive given money away, and it was a doozy/doosey/whatthehelleva. don't want to get into the details (bc it makes me feel gross and ridiculous) - but basically he told me he was a student from alabama (had a costume of sorts - kkkakaahhhaki paaaants, alabama hat, accent) with a really elaborate story. so i gave him money. more money than he asked for.

since then, ive seen him every other day without fail - usually thugged out or wigged out on who knows what. and seeing him makes me feel grooooss. we recognize each other, but completely ignore each other on the streets.

two days ago, contact with him was unavoidable. i was lugging a huge mound of dirty laundry down the street, and saw him in my path - not facing me - wearing the getup and trying to con someone else. (the someone else was laughing at him, because his story was so freaking ridiculous). anyway, i had to say SOMEthing to him. so never losing my stride, i walked past and said, "Please go back to Alabama." and GLARED at him. he took on a look of total disbelief and shock, knew hed been caught and like a moron yelled, "i'm soooo soooorry" and not sarcastically. i looked back with my heap of clothing and glared at him again, gave him the "you did NOT just apologize to me" look.

anyway, some of the people lounging around my apartment really, really get to me. 99.45% of them don't at all, but there are the select few that just gross me out.

* * *

the newest piece in my panorama-from-around-the-world-low-income style, thanks to jun (the kid from new zealand). it's of him, me and dolores park - a beautiful space a few blocks from my house... the photo's tiny, but i like it a lot:


* * *

hope everyone is surviving and surviving well. miss you guys a lot, and wish i could see your faces more often... sorry this ones so long and bOOHring, bOOHring.

03/04/06 vs. 04/03/06

not much is going on, and subsequently i am in philosophical mode.

this time one year ago, i was on a plane to london doing four things: 1) shaking my head, wondering what in the hell i was thinking, 2) cursing myself for not packing enough socks, surely the 3rd most important belonging when taking a 3-4m journey, 3) staring at maps of the london underground, attempting to memorize the walk to my hostel and 4) cursing myself (again) for leaving my wallet in the chicago o-hare airport (MOR-on).

i am going to treat the next 3-4 months like another journey. the previous 8 months here have felt like a trip of sorts, but i'd like to be more conscientious about it. there a lot of things ive been wanting to work on, and it feels that now is the perfect time to try them all over again. won't have visitors for a while, hospital mess is seemingly over for a bit and the days are getting longer. subsequently, i there will be more hours in the day to do what i want to do.

i'd also like to read each journal entry on the corresponding traveling day. ive forgotten a lot, it seems, and the memory would like to be triggered.

god i miss that trip. and i am so happy that i freaking did it. cant believe it was a year ago.

* * *

today is also a big day due to stacey's birth and lofty accomplishments. she turns thoity today, and also started her job with the sweetest architecture firm in all the land. i am incredibly happy for her, feel super super lucky to have her in my life and immensely glad that she had enough balls to ask for my phone number in a bar.

sat night we went out to celebrate the aforementioned events. and might i add, i looked gooooood. all the kids were like, "um, jen? jen? um, jen?." yeeees. ha - i dont think i looked "good" per se, but i was wearing makeup, "did my hair" and was wearing a "sultry top" - not to mention three inch heals. all the girls did though, which was super fun considering we never, EVER dress up. but certainly overshadowing the fancy garb was the immense amount of fun had that evening. stacey's friends (as mine) seem to inevitably stem from all walks of life - we all do different things, look differently, dress differently - but are seemingly witty, seemingly interesting, respectful, like chatting as long as its intelligent (in most cases) and love stacey. so it was super fun.

but i shall never make the transition from 1.7 years of tennis shoes to 3 inch heels in one go. ever ever again. i need a smoother transition.

* * *

love you all. seriously and really. hope things are going well. although i am closer to you than i was a year ago (geographically and other ways: thank you, time), remembering the trip reminds me of the different sort of way i wished for you to be around while i was traveling - and results in my looking so very forward to seeing you again. remembering that trip makes me remember in a different (and strangely indescribable) way of how much i heart you.

* * *



and this thing is real.

my friend reena, who is currently doing her phd research outside a few hours outside of mumbai, sent out this photo from her house over there. apparently, these things hang out on her front porch con-stant-ly, like stray cats but with more energy. yeeeees. i miss her a lot too. argh. (di and martha - i think you met her at my bday party at in the house of men last year).

* * *

love love love and 03/04/06 wins,

jen

they know what they're doing

my two cousins in seattle are ridiculous, and ridiculously cute. see?