what i've learned i love

... since being in fan santrisko:

laying in parks
walking on the side of the street where there's sunlight (because it's warmer)
sushi
wasabi
mushrooms (all varieties)
daal
lentils
walking for exercise
walking to/fro work
jose gonzalez
various soups
cool breezes
costumes
wearing fancy clothes sometimes
fitted button-down tops
hip-hop (generally)
ferries (specifically)
wearing my hair down (not a metaphor)
record players
otis redding
bluegrass music
billie holiday
comraderie
big groups of people that laugh together
fine-tipped sharpie markers
big dogs with awesome personalities
looking for records in thrift stores
space heaters
super warm-softy-soft socks
front porches
phone calls from people far, far away (and close by too, but i especially heart the former)

i love you guys a lot AND I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO THE BLUES.

- jen.

rocking chairs in cafes

i now understand why some of you folks' blogs are so few and far between. when one doesn't create their own schedules or sit in cafes working all day, one has much less time to bloggy-blog. hence my recent performance in the blogging sector.

but here i go:

i should preface this with saying that i have earned about 10 hours of sleep in the previous 4 days. partially due to insomnia, partially due to drama, with the final parcel due to laughing far too much / hanging out just as much.

but i continue, with a few tiny tales:

* * *

i had a bit of an over-the-top night last night, but my taxi ride to work more than alleviated any and all stress. i pop into the front of the taxi van, sitting next to the old-russian-man-driver. he passes me a nat sherman, swearing by them. we chat, cooly, calmly, slowly about how he relieves stress by swimming in the super cold pacific ocean after his shift each day. we sit in traffic. he nods to the irish construction vehicles to his right, a top-of-the-mornin-to-ya kind of nod. the irish bloke rolls his window down, says good mornin', and tells us about the snow patrol show he went to - and how it alleviated all stresses he had that weekend. two more cars roll their window down, each turning the radio to the spot that's playing snow patrol. the cars roll on, albeit slowly. start and stop, but not too harsh. noone's in too big a hurry. the russian taxi driver continues to connect - without trying - with each of the cars that we chance to stop next to. he chats in russian to one - motions to another taxi cab driver, relaying some joke that us non-taxi-cab-drivers just can't understand.

so we float in traffic, chatting with fellow commuters and taxicabers, all the way to my work. i thank him for the sherman, and he wishes me good morning. a fantastic start of a day.

* * *

to those in the know, thanks for the comments and phone calls in regards to recent boy nexus and sheer craziness. thanks, guys. i feel sorta messy about all this, and really appreciate hearing from you ladies. i love you a lot.

* * *

ty and rudy and diane give the greatest advice in all the land.

* * *

i love diane arnaout.

* * *

one of the architects at work (who was awwwwesome) was fired last friday. our bosses told us on monday. it was a huuuuuge wake-up call. i complain about my work, but i can't imagine losing my job outta nowhere. and it also exemplifies how fickle the field of architecture is, and that the economy is on the road to struggle for a bit.

i'm really worried about nattiya (the architect). it came as a huge blow to all of us. everyone was super, super quiet today.

* * *

the week continues. 9-5 is still screwing with me. but i've been trying to vary my mode of transit to/fro work - rather than taking the bus everyday. i'm starting yoga this week, and have been getting up a bit earlier to hang out a bit before work. i'm thinking that mornings with the new york times may come into effect pretty soon here as well. then birding. perhaps charcoal. the gardening. but one step at a time. but man it's hard to readjust. so much easier to move somewhere and start aaaall over again. and believe you me, it's been in my head. but i'm stickin' through. it's the ultimate challenge, at least for a transient that i recognize i am more and more each day.

* * *

man, this blog must be a wierd one. but here it is. and there i go.

i love you a lot. a whole, whole lot. and i miss you tremendously as well.

-jen

i love festivals and family and music and anything having to do with community

hello ev-er-y-one-

it's been over a week. sheesh. i think that's the longest i've ever gone without blogging since the inception of this awe-inspiring piece of work this blog is and forever shall be. or something.

my mom and dad are in town, along with one of my mom's co-workers and her husband AND IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE THEM. i miss and love them so much. i miss them like it's tuesday already (when they leave for texas). when people come to visit, i get so excited to see them - but miss them when they go before they even get here.

* * *

i met them at the airport, led them through the mysterious and often-difficult-to-decipher BART system and to their hotel (which is FAN-cy, complete with saunas and free yoga and crazy low-lighting and veranda views of the bay).

we walked all over the touristy parts of north san francisco, i.e. fisherman's wharf, etc. we did manage to catch some cool spots a bit under the radar - including opera singers and free salami, so that was awesome.

though i am feeling a bit under the weather (have been coughing/sneezing uncontrollably since wednesday night; i called in sick yesterday), they (of course because theyre my parents and much smarter than i am) recommended medicine for me that actually seems to be working. yeeeeees.

* * *

i am happy that i am here, and that my parents are here too (of course)... but i do kinda wish i was closer to texas, and more specifically, at ACL and/or living in austin. i miss helping with festivals. i miss working with a lot of people to reach a common goal. i miss comraderie. i miss working towards things with people. i miss community. not sure if this makes sense. and i really want to see a ton of live music every moment of every day (for one-three day(s).

* * *

mom and dad are going to be here until tuesday morning, so i get to hang out with them tomorrow and a bit on monday afternoon. and then they go. and i already miss them desperately.

* * *

9-5 is still hard, and i still want to float. not sure if i was created to do stuff like this. i need more variety, more room for creativity and flow. i want to paint again. i want to do yoga again. i recognize that i need to stop whining about it, and jump into all of it again. i used to be so good at just that (i.e. austin and the constnat painting and birding), and for some reason that gumption has seemed to float away during the previous year - perhaps because i grew used to focusing all of my energy towards paying rent and making it through the day at the credit union (and all that freaking slow jazz).

i just miss all of you guys a lot. this one was really long, and i'm rambling. but i havent written in my journal lately, and now youre the ones who get to read (or not read) this mess.

and if you never read my friend mario's blog, now is the time to give it a shot. i adore his most recent entry entitled "I'd like to know."

I MISS YOU.

jen

i think i understand why people run marathons

hey everyone -

i haven't posted in a while because:

1) i have been out of it
2) i had a biiig weekend full of 20-mile-hilly-terrained-it's-almost-nighttime-we-need-water-NOW-crap!-where's-a-river-where's-a-river weekend and
3) i don't want to look at a computer when i get home from work

i sound like i'm whining, but i'm having a really hard time adjusting to a 9-5 lifestyle. this is the first time since high school i've had to get up and get home everyday at the same time, and it's really hard for me. much harder than i thought it would be. i'm getting panicky all the time - which makes NO sense - because all worries and concerns about getting a job, finding a field i enjoy, paying rent and buying food are outta the picture.

landing this job solved / placed on hold a bunch of huge goals i had: a) debating about going back to school, b) wondering if i want to study architecture, c) finding a part-time job to pay rent, d) finding a REAL job...

and *poof* just like that. all gone.

i'm not complaing at ALL, but i'm realizing that i'm actually goal-less right now. all my goals were accomplished overnight.

so i'm thinking that one of the only ways out of this funk i'm in is to create some brand new, big, fun goals. finishing 2 oil paintings by january. lifting weights every other day to get some freaking tone in my floppy-flop arms. biking twice a week to/fro work. working on writing to enter into a magazine. taking more intensive yoga classes. learning how to play an instrument, say, a washboard? a harmonica? i gotta start with the basics.

* * *

but all in all, things are ok - everything is... well... a bit too easy. so i've decided to add some good ol'fashioned challenges into my life.

* * *

a great part about today: i was able to talk with both of my grandma and grandpa, who i love deeeearly. my grandma's birthday was yesterday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!) and my grandpa is in the hospital post knee surgery, but seems to be doign well. they both offered super great advice, and listen to me ramble and understand why i'm having a hard time and it makes me feel like i'm not so alone in dealing with stuff. i love and miss them so much.

as i do yyyyyou.

* * *

oh! and i get to see centro-matic and david dondero tonight with ruderto. i shall bask in the joy of the sounds and south-by nostalgia.

* * *

hope all is well, kids. i miss you a lot... jen.