one decision can affect everything.

hello boys and girls.

tomorrow is my VERY LAST DAY at the credit union/americorps job. i cant. even. believeit. it's soooo wiiiierd that i don't have to get up tomorrow, trek to a cafe or an odd job beforehand, take a deep exhale and march into that place. i cant believe i've been here for an entire year. and, strangely enough, incredibly proud that i actually finished my "service" to my "country." i'm glad i didn't quit. i'm glad i kept chugging through.

i won't miss the work (at all), but i will miss the people... what usually happens i suppose. i will miss celina, my only co-worker, the most. the absolute mostest. she's been so good to me, put up with a lot of my groaning/ complain-fests/ eye-rolling/ shock/ and stupid stupid jokes. i hope she's ok after i go - i know she will be - but i don't know if i could've handled that place alone. we often joke that since the "fund development" aspect of my job didnt really come together and there's talk of the non-profit ceasing to exist in a few months, i was really assigned to the site to keep her company and become a friend of hers. i consider this the greatest gift, without a doubt.

i will also the kids a whole lot too. most kids rolled in and outta there, but a few stayed through the whole time. one of the year-round-ers, leland, i absolutely adore. he wrote on a card given to me today that "have always been the coolest white girl he ever knew." awesome.

so tomorrow. and that's it. no more me telling myself "ok jen you can make it. only n months to go." i am really proud of myself.

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i won't have a computer anymore either - which mean blogging will be more infrequent. i'm also going to be much more boring because i will be living a life of increased stability. which is going to be wiiiiiierd. but i'm still going to blog, and i hope you still read. :)

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oh! and i just read my very first book of poetry (unless the prophet is considered this as well). and it was good. four quartets by t.s. eliot. i highly, highly recommend it. it started a bit transcendental-y for me, but it flowed shortly thereafter and i got caught up in it. i especially liked the last quartet, called "little gidding."

and now i'm starting "black like me" by j.h. griffin, which elaborates on the experiences of a white man undergoing medical treatment/makeup to look like a black man. he then travels around the "Deep South" for just over a month in 1959 trying to get a more than manual labor job, to see what it's like, basically. it's supposed to be a "life-altering" book - and i've been wanting to read it since jr year in college, so i'm a little stoked for it (and really really dorky).

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I GET TO GO TO TEXAS NEXT WEEK AND I'M FREAKING EXCITED.

i love you kids a lot. feeling real sentimental what with the year anniversary and all. my life's a changin' - has changed so much this past year with all the medical stuff and jobs and apartments and people and strange parties and pretty views from roof.

i do embolden words a lot, don't i? hmmm. the things we never knew about ourselves that other people notice.

thank you. AND I LOVE YOU.