better posture is better for everyone
he-LO. i have been away and i apologize. BUT i just got a spanking new-for-jen-but-really-a-used computer, and i am typing away at it as i speak.
i am back at ritual cafe for the first time in a month on my super cute little computer and it's nice.
* * *
another reason for staying away has been that this week was a super hard one for me, and i was avoiding everyone except for my mom. i think i had a panic attack or something on monday, and quite frankly, it totally freaked me out.
this 9-5 thing is crazy. i've never had to deal with it. at the americorps job, i could peace out in the mornings and work at cafes or late until the evening. but now, i get up at 7 am everyday. every. day. and do the same ol' thing.
i really love my job, truly. and i also adore the kids i work with. and the location. it's seriously a dream job. i am really lucky, and i sound like a whiner... but this consistent, everyday-the-same-schedule-thing is kind of eating at me.
i miss the life challenges, the adrenaline rushes, that come from traveling and floating from job to job.
mom made a good point. "jen, you've been unstable and wandering around for three years. you don't know how to deal with stability." and i think she's right. the thought of doing this job for longer than a year is a little stifling, though i know it's important financially or whatever.
i think i may be "doomed" to a life of constant changes. working a steady job for a year or more, make enough money to travel, travel (oh traveling how lovely that sounds right now!!), float from odd job to odd job for a while, another steady job, and the cycle continues.
really, i am afraid of the future (as you do, amanda... and probably a few more of you out there).
I AM SO GLAD I FLOATED FOR SO LONG. those were amazing years, this one will be too, and there shall be more lovely floating years to follow.
* * *
see how ridiculous i am right now. it's why i haven't blogged. i'm just really insecure with security, and stability is a bit stifling. apparently i'm a gypsy woman.
i love you kids a lot. the computer is back, and so am i. slowly but surely.
i am back at ritual cafe for the first time in a month on my super cute little computer and it's nice.
* * *
another reason for staying away has been that this week was a super hard one for me, and i was avoiding everyone except for my mom. i think i had a panic attack or something on monday, and quite frankly, it totally freaked me out.
this 9-5 thing is crazy. i've never had to deal with it. at the americorps job, i could peace out in the mornings and work at cafes or late until the evening. but now, i get up at 7 am everyday. every. day. and do the same ol' thing.
i really love my job, truly. and i also adore the kids i work with. and the location. it's seriously a dream job. i am really lucky, and i sound like a whiner... but this consistent, everyday-the-same-schedule-thing is kind of eating at me.
i miss the life challenges, the adrenaline rushes, that come from traveling and floating from job to job.
mom made a good point. "jen, you've been unstable and wandering around for three years. you don't know how to deal with stability." and i think she's right. the thought of doing this job for longer than a year is a little stifling, though i know it's important financially or whatever.
i think i may be "doomed" to a life of constant changes. working a steady job for a year or more, make enough money to travel, travel (oh traveling how lovely that sounds right now!!), float from odd job to odd job for a while, another steady job, and the cycle continues.
really, i am afraid of the future (as you do, amanda... and probably a few more of you out there).
I AM SO GLAD I FLOATED FOR SO LONG. those were amazing years, this one will be too, and there shall be more lovely floating years to follow.
* * *
see how ridiculous i am right now. it's why i haven't blogged. i'm just really insecure with security, and stability is a bit stifling. apparently i'm a gypsy woman.
i love you kids a lot. the computer is back, and so am i. slowly but surely.
posted by jasembera at
3:49 PM
4 Comments:
one of my favorite entries ever. real honest and real you.
yours is one of the few blogs i continue to read, my love, and it's worth the 100 checks a day to your site to find a new entry. love you.
let's talk soon.
By
Diane, at 7:30 PM
i agree twas a beautiful entry. sometimes you have to go into hiding and panic and thats a-ok. i like that you are a gypsy woman. it makes me think of you in like a blouse a'la stevie nicks with flowy sleeves. 9 to 5 is definitely boring boring but i think for the moment it is probably a godsend for you, though you might miss chaos. whats that saying? grass is always greener on the otherside... um i love you a lot. seriously. amen. t-res out.
By
Anonymous, at 10:42 PM
i totally understand the insecurity with security. every time i plop down and start getting regular with my life, i begin to wish for something different, more exciting, less predictable. my mom calls it "itchy feet"
you've got a wandering spirit.
you're doing so well, and i'm so proud of you! i know you'll do what makes you happiest, and that a 9-5 won't change the wonderful jen i know a bit.
By
Attica, at 7:42 PM
I just got back from this week-long boat travel (it went well), so I will catch up with your previous entries tonight. I have to do laundry now and then have farewell-lunch with Ken and Blanca (they are leaving tonight to Lima, and very soon to the US). I just wanted to say hi, and say that I wish you the best getting used to the new schedule. If you don't get used to it, it seems like you have a plan...
By
Anonymous, at 7:55 AM
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