my back is on fire my back is on fire
what up.
weekend was wierd. wwiiiiieerd. constant events, but none if seemed to "flow," if that makes sense - outside of hanging out with rudy. oh how great that boy eeees. and talking to mom and grandma - that was super, super nice as well - oh and diane and paul! oh and di and paul.
* * *
i've been doing a lot of pondering life lately, and by "pondering life" i mean wondering what in the world will be happening to me in august/september. it may seem that i've been running amuck with my life during the previous year or so, but i always had a dime or two in my pocket, and usually a place to sleep. these two things are comforting, to say the very least. but all that may change in a few months, and the potential lack of financial and safe slumber stability is worrisome. but perhaps i'm being too dramatic. hopefully all will work out. but i can't helping tensing up about it.
* * *
june is going to be packed. PACKED. travels galore, and visitors start back up again. yeeeeees. my GRANTPARENTS (!!! yeeees !!!) may be coming out here in a few weeks. also, reena may be coming as a break from her current 8-10 month ph.d. research near mumbai, india - (man that woman is strong). seeing them would be fantastic. i'm trying not to think about it, in case they are not able to come - i dont want to get too excited in order to prevent the inevitable downer.
* * *
two strange recent realizations:
(i probably shouldn't talk about this stuff, but eh):
1) there are three people that i don't like very much in this whole wide world. only three. and oddly enough, they all live within 10 blocks from me. of all places in the world i could have moved to, and here they are. i mean they're all nice and good people (well, one i'm not so sure about - it's not who you're thinking) - but nonetheless, we just don't "jive."
2)
most recent "quasi" relationship: 1.5 years ago
most recent "real" relationship: nearly 3 years ago
most recent "real" relationship during which i was happy: 4 years ago.
FOUR YEARS AGO?! geez. what is wrong with me. ha -
* * *
i've been spending a lot of time with my housemates lately. who would have thought that the "most conservative-looking inhabitant of san francisco" would have brought all of us together even more. i really heart my housemates. i can tell them that i think i'm magic (ha), laugh at far too morbid jokes and none of us can make sense - and it's a-ok. i'm really lucky. i best be able to make rent in august/september and beyond. the thought of not being able to is close to stifling -
but hey - i can work it out - i just think of all the stuff i've endured, that i've accomplished in the previous three years - and feel much much better, believe in myself again.
* * *
a super huge shout-out to maaaaario for earning a huge grant that will pay for all of his studies in the peruvian amazon. yeeeeees. i am so proud of you, my darling - although the use of the term "proud" makes me sound like your mother. yuck.
* * *
currently reading a collection of essays from "Might" magazine, and you should too.
and i love you a lot.
jen.
weekend was wierd. wwiiiiieerd. constant events, but none if seemed to "flow," if that makes sense - outside of hanging out with rudy. oh how great that boy eeees. and talking to mom and grandma - that was super, super nice as well - oh and diane and paul! oh and di and paul.
* * *
i've been doing a lot of pondering life lately, and by "pondering life" i mean wondering what in the world will be happening to me in august/september. it may seem that i've been running amuck with my life during the previous year or so, but i always had a dime or two in my pocket, and usually a place to sleep. these two things are comforting, to say the very least. but all that may change in a few months, and the potential lack of financial and safe slumber stability is worrisome. but perhaps i'm being too dramatic. hopefully all will work out. but i can't helping tensing up about it.
* * *
june is going to be packed. PACKED. travels galore, and visitors start back up again. yeeeeees. my GRANTPARENTS (!!! yeeees !!!) may be coming out here in a few weeks. also, reena may be coming as a break from her current 8-10 month ph.d. research near mumbai, india - (man that woman is strong). seeing them would be fantastic. i'm trying not to think about it, in case they are not able to come - i dont want to get too excited in order to prevent the inevitable downer.
* * *
two strange recent realizations:
(i probably shouldn't talk about this stuff, but eh):
1) there are three people that i don't like very much in this whole wide world. only three. and oddly enough, they all live within 10 blocks from me. of all places in the world i could have moved to, and here they are. i mean they're all nice and good people (well, one i'm not so sure about - it's not who you're thinking) - but nonetheless, we just don't "jive."
2)
most recent "quasi" relationship: 1.5 years ago
most recent "real" relationship: nearly 3 years ago
most recent "real" relationship during which i was happy: 4 years ago.
FOUR YEARS AGO?! geez. what is wrong with me. ha -
* * *
i've been spending a lot of time with my housemates lately. who would have thought that the "most conservative-looking inhabitant of san francisco" would have brought all of us together even more. i really heart my housemates. i can tell them that i think i'm magic (ha), laugh at far too morbid jokes and none of us can make sense - and it's a-ok. i'm really lucky. i best be able to make rent in august/september and beyond. the thought of not being able to is close to stifling -
but hey - i can work it out - i just think of all the stuff i've endured, that i've accomplished in the previous three years - and feel much much better, believe in myself again.
* * *
a super huge shout-out to maaaaario for earning a huge grant that will pay for all of his studies in the peruvian amazon. yeeeeees. i am so proud of you, my darling - although the use of the term "proud" makes me sound like your mother. yuck.
* * *
currently reading a collection of essays from "Might" magazine, and you should too.
and i love you a lot.
jen.
posted by jasembera at
4:05 PM
2 Comments:
oh, I miss reena, you are lucky (in case she does go visit), and she is lucky too, because I miss you too.
the grant is not really huge, but it is enough for me to stay there for 8-9 months, which is what I need, I guess, to complete my project's fieldwork.
By
Anonymous, at 4:10 PM
i like you. i like that you do alot of reflection and ponderings and musings. we should all be so lucky.
talk w/you soooon puddin'pie
By
Anonymous, at 11:50 AM
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