i'm not sorry i met you
most weekends/mid-weeks, i'm 'boring' as sin. i read a lot, hang out on my sweet roof or on my comfy-cozy couch and not much else. but there are some days in which so much crazy crap happens, i find myself removing myself from the situation mid-conversation, wondering how in the world i found myself there.
the past three days and nights have been a whirlwind: when i wasnt attached to machinery to track heartbeats and/or biorythyms, i went to fantastic, hilarious performances about a lesbian's attempt to become more 'dateable.' or sat in a room of black young women in oakland who meet weekly with a friend of mine (and theirs) - slowly recognizing just how wonderful and valuable they are regardless of what they've been through - that stuff doesnt matter, makes them stronger, that they are still and always will be beautiful, to cherish and respect themselves. or went to parties surrounded by people of all shapes/sizes/skirt lengths donning enormous leather capes extending a foot over their heads, blue eyelashes 4 inches long or fitted bright-red fur coats with black stripes.
every three hours (seriously, i counted the minutes) has found me in new situations - each of which have forced me to clear my head, open up my brain and take everything in. and its been challenging in the most wonderful of ways.
i'm sitting around tonight because i am tired. because i am thinking of people far away who are going through crazy messes and situations (you and you and you and a few who never read this thing).
there are times when i feel invincible - i step away from aforementioned situations and feel like nothing can touch me, that i'm living, that i'm seeing so much, that i'm breathing - that i've accomplished a hell of a lot in the previous 12 months.
but that last for about 7 seconds. i then remember those out there who have held my hand, pushed, challenged, listened, placed the past in the past, shaken off grievances and accepted all of me for my constant changes and weaknesses and who have been there with me throughout all of it, or even a tiny bit of it. seriously even if i laughed with you once, i appreciate it tremendously. i am not invincible. i am thankful for so many people - so many are my strengths and anchors and i love/thank you for all of it.
so thank you.
the past three days and nights have been a whirlwind: when i wasnt attached to machinery to track heartbeats and/or biorythyms, i went to fantastic, hilarious performances about a lesbian's attempt to become more 'dateable.' or sat in a room of black young women in oakland who meet weekly with a friend of mine (and theirs) - slowly recognizing just how wonderful and valuable they are regardless of what they've been through - that stuff doesnt matter, makes them stronger, that they are still and always will be beautiful, to cherish and respect themselves. or went to parties surrounded by people of all shapes/sizes/skirt lengths donning enormous leather capes extending a foot over their heads, blue eyelashes 4 inches long or fitted bright-red fur coats with black stripes.
every three hours (seriously, i counted the minutes) has found me in new situations - each of which have forced me to clear my head, open up my brain and take everything in. and its been challenging in the most wonderful of ways.
i'm sitting around tonight because i am tired. because i am thinking of people far away who are going through crazy messes and situations (you and you and you and a few who never read this thing).
there are times when i feel invincible - i step away from aforementioned situations and feel like nothing can touch me, that i'm living, that i'm seeing so much, that i'm breathing - that i've accomplished a hell of a lot in the previous 12 months.
but that last for about 7 seconds. i then remember those out there who have held my hand, pushed, challenged, listened, placed the past in the past, shaken off grievances and accepted all of me for my constant changes and weaknesses and who have been there with me throughout all of it, or even a tiny bit of it. seriously even if i laughed with you once, i appreciate it tremendously. i am not invincible. i am thankful for so many people - so many are my strengths and anchors and i love/thank you for all of it.
so thank you.
posted by jasembera at
9:35 PM
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