no theme here

this one's long, so i have bolded key words so you can skim through this bit if you'd like. welcome.

i just received an email from a friend i worked with at magnolia cafe telling me she has decided to stay on her 3 month 'visit' to india for at least 3 more years. she's studying ashram, and says she's found 'it' - that 'it' that many people look for and never find, and i actually believe her. i don't think she's crazy, or following some insane scheme. and she isn't the crazy yoga im at peace oooooommmmm type that you may be imagining. just normal/wierd/awesome. so people do this? move to india to study yoga, 'find themselves' and stay there? it seems this is part of her story anyway.

reading 'on the road' is probably the worst thing i could be doing to myself right now. i've been spending my free time following the characters' routes on the various maps i keep in my room for emergencies.

work is stifling my brain functions. i do not want to be a grant writer when i grow up. i abhor the word 'implement.'

a balance is hard for me to grab hold to. work is wierd, and now by the time i get off its 100% dark outside - so far less wandering the streets than earlier on. no complaints. i just feel wierd here sometimes. im in a city of outcasts, and still feel really strange. i'm more 'conservative' than i thought, and super choosy with who i talk with - these factors are making me a different sort of outcast.

bracing for the every popular 'we're just friends' conversation yet a-freaking-gain. tiiiiiiiiired of thiiiiis. why does the thought of a boyfriend freak me out? why am i picky beyond my wildest dreams?

going to l.a. next week, and really looking forward to seeing some punk named sara and a long-lost middle/high school companion named greg. will, come to sf for pete's sake. here the hella in real life.

i miss all of you and have to avoid blogging because it's taking over my life. i heart you people, dammit. don't make me beg for comments.